Every year, foster parents take the jump to open up their home to foster children with the intent of doing good, giving back, and providing a child with a safe and loving home.
After several months of caring for the child and growing attached, the court and foster care agency decides the best outcome for the child is reunification with their birth parents or placed with a relative.
Foster parents walk out of court shocked and struck with loss. For many, the loss and grief experienced from the removal of a foster parent is too much to handle. The cost of doing good — grief from loss — is too high of a cost many foster parents want to pay. So, foster parents close their license to avoid the feelings of loss and grief.
Efforts from foster care agencies have been made, but the efforts fall short. Due to grief and loss being a problem within foster care retention rates, ambiguous loss experienced by foster parents, a lack of resources provided by foster care agencies, and foster care agencies creating an environment of disenfranchised grief are contributing factors to the problem and have tried to be solved by communicating to foster parents in an effort to provide closure, providing grief and loss training prior to placement of a child, and acknowledging foster parents identity as “foster parent”; however, the past solutions do not work because of the temporary nature communication provides once the case is closed, there is a large gap between grief and loss training and when the knowledge needs to be applied, and reinforcing the “foster parent” identity increases the amount of grief experienced.
This post is part of a series:
- How Grief and Loss Affects Foster Care Retention Rates
- Why Current Solutions Are Ineffective At Solving Foster Care Retention Rates
- What Foster Care Agencies Can Do To Improve Foster Parent Retention Rates
Why Foster Parent Retention Rates Matter
Foster parent retention rates continue to suffer because of the effects grief and loss have on foster parents and ineffective intervention strategies designed by foster care agencies. The ineffective solutions implemented by foster care agencies lead to poorer outcomes for foster children and society. Stable homes, like experienced foster parents or adoptive homes, provide “better outcomes with regard to education, employment, criminal and disciplinary records, and social skills, among other categories,” according to Pesavanto. (142). By achieving better outcomes for foster children, they are more likely to add value and contribute to society (142). The effects of the foster parent retention problem reaches further than foster children. There is often a larger financial burden to the government, and by proxy, citizens.
Closure Is A Myth For Foster Parents
Ambiguous loss makes it difficult for foster parents to accept their loss and move on, so foster parents end up closing their license. In the past, foster care agencies have tried to provide closure during the transition of the child by communicating with the foster parents. However, the solution to communicate with foster parents during transition is temporary and fails to address the need for a long-term solution since foster parents are often grieving long past when a child is reunited with their birth family. Jackie Cobb, a foster parent, knows very well how long grief can last as she recounts her current experience. Even six months after the removal of a child, in a personal interview with Jackie Cobb, she said, “The home feels a little empty at times, but we try to cry it out and then focus on the positive” (Cobb).
Cobb’s quote paints the picture of a foster parent and her family, alone, crying, and having to navigate their emotions without any support. Past solutions to provide closure during transition still leaves foster parents to deal with their complex emotions alone. Cobb goes on to say, “I have generally felt it was time and so I feel happy for the families but sad to say goodbye” (Cobb).
Without support, foster parents like Jackie Cobb are expected to navigate and reconcile these complex and conflicting emotions. Cobb’s experience points to the issue with a foster care agency’s short-term solution. Providing communication during transition is insufficient in helping foster parents deal with their grief and loss. As proposed, foster care agencies need to focus on helping foster parents develop relationships with birth parents during transition.
Cobb recalls some positive transitions, “I have been pleased that for the most part we have had good transitions, that helps a lot. We have also stayed in contact with my last two fosters” (Cobb). Through maintained relationships, foster parents can get the closure they need or never have to experience a complete and total ambiguous loss.
More Prolonged Greif
Huang and Habermas in their research, “Narrating Ambiguous Loss: Deficiencies in Narrative Processing and Negative Appraisal of Consequences”, found ambiguous loss to be more difficult to overcome than a definite loss, like the death of a child. The thesis of their research was to explore how ambiguous loss (AL) differed from definite loss and whether it was more likely to lead to prolonged grief. Haung and Haberman concluded, “However, narratives of both AL groups were also longer, possibly indicating more recounting attempts and emotional involvement, and focussed more on the lost person, possibly indicating an inability to let go” (2161). The research shows ambiguous loss is more likely to lead to prolonged grief.
People going through ambiguous loss often distance themselves from the grief, which is often an avoidance strategy, which can lead to higher risk for developing mental disorders, like panic attacks, anxiety or depression, in stressful situations (2161).
Given the significance of ambiguous loss, foster care agencies need to invest more resources in helping foster parents get through their ambiguous loss or help them avoid ambiguous loss. The research shows ambiguous loss is more problematic and severe than a definite loss, and yet, foster care agencies only help by communicating through the transition. Foster parents dealing with ambiguous loss struggle to make meaning of the loss and are more likely to experience prolonged grief symptoms.
The fact is simple communication during transition focuses on providing closure to foster parents. However, with ambiguous loss closure is a myth. In other words, foster care agencies are using strategies designed more for definitive loss rather than ambiguous loss. Foster care agencies must walk alongside foster parents through the entire journey to help them create narratives of the loss and find meaning. Otherwise, foster parents are at a greater risk for prolonged grief, leading to lower foster care retention rates.
Ineffective Foster Care Grief and Loss Training
A lack of grief and loss training and resources for foster parents has been a contributing factor in low foster parent retention rates. In the past, recommendations were to provide grief and loss training in pre-placement training. However, pre-placement training on grief and loss is rarely effective because the gap between when training is provided and when the information is needed. Upon interviewing several foster parents, a majority of them recounted never receiving any grief and loss training or only learning about the grief and loss a foster child experiences. When interviewing Anne Schmidt, a foster parent with experience fostering seven kids, she recounted, “[Grief and loss] was covered in class, mostly around how the children experience grief and loss. Nobody talked about the grief and loss we would experience ourselves” (Schmidt).
The interview with the foster parent connects to the topic sentence by explaining a contributing factor to foster parent retention rates as a result of grief and loss. Several foster parents are not receiving even basic grief and loss training, and yet, they are expected to take children into their home, care for them, and deal with the loss while being ill-equipped.
Schmidt’s quote shows there is a clear disconnect in training foster parents about grief and loss that is specific to them. While Schmidt did receive some grief and loss training that foster children experience, Schmidt is unable to make the connection and knowledge gap on how to effectively use the grief and loss training to her own grief and loss she has experienced after the removal of a foster child.
What Med Students Can Teach Foster Care Agencies
Laura Skistrom and others established this gap in their research, “Being There: A Scoping Review of Grief Support Training in Medical Education”, which explored grief as it relates to medical professionals.
The thesis of the research is that there are large gaps in grief and loss training for medical professionals. After analyzing 37 different studies, the researchers conclude current grief and loss training is doing very little to help medical professionals.
Skistrom and researchers write, “In addition, most workshops were voluntary, short and occurred in pre-clinical stages when participants had limited experience dealing with death and dying, which limited their ability to absorb new knowledge and then apply it in clinical practice” (Skistrom et al. 10). Since research on grief and loss training is limited in the foster parent industry, it is critical to explore other industries. The research done by Skistrom and others points to the importance of providing training closer to an incident of loss.
As Skistrom stated many medical professionals have limited experience, so their ability to absorb the information is limited. Foster care agencies providing grief and loss training during pre-placement training is ineffective for the same reason it is for medical professionals. Foster parents, at the point they receive — if at all — grief and loss training, are too inexperienced to be able to absorb the knowledge in their grief and loss training.
When it comes time for the removal of a child, none of the foster parents recounted an experience receiving training during the transition. Grief and loss training was all done prior to the placement of a child. Evidence points to foster parents being ill-equipped, even if initially trained during pre-placement, at dealing with the grief and loss they experience from the removal of a foster child.
Agencies As Part of the Problem?
Foster care agencies have created an environment of disenfranchised grief and to solve it, foster care workers have tried to acknowledge a foster parent’s grief. However, the solution to acknowledge foster parent grief has not been effective because the foster care agencies are simultaneously reinforcing a foster parent’s identity as a foster parent, and thereby, creating disenfranchised grief. In the last interview conducted, foster parent, Bradley Merchant, shares the reason he became a foster parent, “I wanted to provide a safe home for children and ultimately looking to adopt” (Merchant).
Merchant’s ultimate goal is the opposite of the primary goal of foster care agencies. The primary goal for every foster care agency is to reunite a child with their birth parents. However, most foster care agency marketing sells the dream of adoption and a forever home for foster children. Merchant’s motivation is similar to many foster parents. Merchant’s quote shows how foster parents hold an identity of parents and have a desire to adopt. Yet, foster care agencies are trying to reunite children to their birth parents. Foster care agencies create disenfranchised grief by recruiting and appealing to foster parents who have the ultimate goal of adoption.
Celia Harris and others, in their research, “It’s Not Who You Lose, It’s Who You Are: Identity and Symptom Trajectory in Prolonged Grief”, explore the relationship between identity and the possibility of experiencing prolonged grief. The thesis of their work is that identity to the one lost is a better predictor of prolonged grief than the relationship to the person that was lost. A person is more likely to experience grief when they tie their identity to that person. In the research they conclude, “It was an overlapping post-bereavement identity, rather than pre-bereavement identity, that predicted the maintenance of grief symptoms over and above initial symptoms in our regression analysis” (Harris et al. 7).
In other words, the identity developed after the loss of a loved one predicted prolonged symptoms of grief. Therefore, when foster care agencies reinforce and acknowledge a foster parent’s identity as a foster “parent”, foster care agencies are creating a post-bereavement identity for foster parents which is more likely to lead to prolonged grief symptoms and all of the issues associated with prolonged grief. While it is evident foster parents see themselves as foster “parents” and wish to be acknowledged as such, foster care agencies can create better outcomes long-term by challenging foster parent’s identity as foster parents.
Instead, foster care agencies should start using terms like foster parents throughout the entire foster parent’s experience — from licensing to the time they close their license, to the time of a child removal. The research shows reinforcing foster parent identity will only prolong grief. It is possible for foster care agencies to acknowledge the grief while challenging a foster parent’s identity as the “parent”. Challenging a foster parent’s identity must be done in order for foster parents to experience less grief.
Conclusion
Low foster care retention rates caused by grief and loss affects the entire community, but it really affects outcomes of foster children. Foster children placed in the home of experienced foster parents have more favorable outcomes. These kids are less likely to end up in jail, dropping out of school, and turning to drugs.
A few efforts have been made to solve the foster parent retention problem such as, providing grief and loss training in the pre-placement phase, seeking to give closure to foster parents through communication, and acknowledging a foster parent’s identity and grief in an effort to avoid disenfranchised grief.
However, these solutions have been ineffective for reasons discussed. The nature of ambiguous loss means short-term solutions, like communicating with foster parents during transition, is insufficient. Once the caseworker is out of the picture, foster parents are left to deal with their mixed feelings.
Instead, foster care workers should focus on developing the relationship between foster parent and birth family so foster parents can maintain ongoing relationships with the foster child. The proposed solution means foster parents either do not experience ambiguous loss or they receive ongoing closure knowing the foster child is safe and okay. Second, providing pre-placement training about grief and loss creates a large gap between when knowledge is acquired and when it is needed.
As a result, few foster parents are equipped with the knowledge and skill to handle the grief and loss they experience from the removal of a foster child. Instead, if training is to occur, it has to happen during the transition phase or as close to the removal as possible. Some ideas include group therapy, training sessions, or individual counseling. With solutions, like group therapy and training sessions closer to removal, foster parents can acquire the knowledge and skill set when the content is more relevant.
Third, foster parents experience disenfranchised grief when most caseworkers fail to acknowledge the grief and identity of a foster parent. In the past, research has recommended for caseworkers to acknowledge the grief, but it increases the chances of a foster parent experiencing prolonged grief.
Possible Solutions
Instead, caseworkers must adopt terms like foster parents to avoid reinforcing the identity as foster “parent”. A caseworker can still acknowledge the grief — avoid disenfranchised grief — while adopting terms like foster parent — which challenge a foster parent’s identity — to avoid chances of prolonged grief. Throughout the interviews with various foster parents, many of the past solutions have not offered any benefit. Unfortunately, there is limited probability of this problem being solved until foster care agencies can adopt a radical policy.
Grief and loss is a large factor in retention, so foster care agencies are listening too much to foster parents for recommendations and then trying to implement the feedback. There is a great business story relating to the issue with always listening to customers. Walmart, after receiving a ton of customer feedback about the store layout, implemented a layout with wider aisles and better lighting.
The project was called the Impact Project and led to a decrease in sales. “Project Impact shows the dangers of focusing on improving customer satisfaction absent a strong linkage to customer spending,” wrote Keiningham and authors in their book, “The Wallet Allocation Rule: Winning the Battle for Share” (24).
Based on the experiment, what customers said and how they behaved were totally different. Applied to foster care agencies, the research suggests creating solutions and implementing them without strong linkage to foster parent retention rates is a dangerous proposition. Until foster care agencies can adopt the mindset that foster parent feedback must lead directly to favorable retention rates, agencies will continue to listen only to what foster parents say and pay no attention to how they act and behave.
The best solutions are seen as controversial and ones which will rarely be recommended by foster parents. By adopting the proposed solutions, foster parents will experience less grief and loss.
If they do experience grief, it is less likely to be prolonged grief and foster parents have the skills, knowledge, and resources to deal with their grief. By implementing the proposed solutions, foster care retention rates will increase and foster children will have more favorable outcomes.
For society, the proposed solutions mean foster children are less likely to become adults who end up in prison or turn to drugs. Better foster child outcomes also means less financial cost to every single taxpayer since the Department of Human Services will not have to spend as much money on foster care recruiting.
A Call For Foster Care Agencies
For workers in the child welfare system, take these proposed solutions and conduct a specific study on foster parent grief. Until there is radical change in how the foster care system is approached — from marketing, to training, and during placement — foster care agencies will continue to see grief and loss as a big problem towards retention.
By fostering better relationships between foster parents and birth parents, there is a reduced chance of ambiguous loss. Plus, foster children and birth parents will then have a support network they may need to stay away from drugs, to keep off the streets, or a way to get help when times get tough again.
Works Cited
Cobb, Jackie. Personal Interview. 15 October 2022.
Harris, Celia B, et al. “It’s Not Who You Lose, It’s Who You Are: Identity and Symptom Trajectory in Prolonged Grief.” Current Psychology, vol. 1-11, 2021, pp. 1–11. SpringerLink, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-021-02343-w.
Huang, Manxia, and Tilmann Habermas. “Narrating Ambiguous Loss: Deficiencies in Narrative Processing and Negative Appraisal of Consequences.” Journal of Clinical Psychology, vol. 77, no. 10, Oct. 2021, pp. 2147–66. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.monroeccc.idm.oclc.org/10.1002/jclp.23146.
Keiningham, Timothy, Lerzan Aksoy, Luke Williams, and Alexander Buoye. The Wallet Allocation Rules: Winning the Battle for Share. John Wiley & Sons, 2015
Merchant, Bradley. Personal Interview. 16 October 2022.
Pesavento, Isabella M. “How Misaligned Incentives Hinder Foster Care Adoption.” Cato Journal. vol. 41, no. 1, 2021, pp. 139-158. ProQuest, doi:https://doi.org/10.36009/CJ.41.1.7.
Schmidt, Anne. Personal Interview. 15 October 2022.
Sikstrom, Laura, et al. “Being There: A Scoping Review of Grief Support Training in Medical Education.” PLoS One, vol. 14, no. 11, Nov. 2019, pp. 1–16, ProQuest, doi:https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0224325.
